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29 August 2006 @ 09:37 pm
 
I need help on re-starting this fic. I have 40 people watching it, and I feel bad. Anyone willing to help?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2851917/1/

Title: Those Eyes
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: NaruSasu, in later chapters
Rating: PG-13 to R. I'm bad with ratings.
Quick Summary: I was bad and wrote a quasi-amnesia fic. Naruto, as a new self, meets Sasuke and is instantly drawn to him, and wants to know why, and Sasuke becomes something close to an obsession for him. The fic flies from there.

Thanks, guys.
 
 
Current Location: Dorm
 
 
 
Azayellow_spatula on September 27th, 2007 07:15 am (UTC)
Hey there, I read your first two chapters and just thought I'd let you know what I thought.

First of all, just wondering, are you putting this fic up for grabs? Or are you just looking for some critique and helpful comments? Doesn't matter either way, but I'd like to make sure I categorize this fic correctly!

Okay, so back to your fic. I thought it was an interesting concept and I enjoyed the first chapter. Although, you will have to clarify some things up and make sure you just reread a few times for grammar. I was a little confused about how Sasuke, Sakura and Shikamaru weren't able to recognize Naruto at all. Being their ex-teammate, I'm sure they would have been able to realize it was him right from the start.

And this is just my opinion, but I was also wondering how Naruto immediately "desired" Sasuke. I would understand how he's drawn to him, especially of the recognition of the sharingan, but to say desired might be a little fast?

Anywho, I hope this comment was helpful, although I did only read the first two chapters. Good luck with your fic! :)